the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
