my sisters under your porch take her home
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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