no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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