She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
