i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
