Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
