i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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