She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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