I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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