they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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