To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
