And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
