i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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