i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
