Just fell off a train. Bad.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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