this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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