No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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