I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
