dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
