and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
