Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
