so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
