guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
