My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
