i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My life is pants optional.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
