my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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