the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
