ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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