if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
