You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
