OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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