he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
