Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
did you just send me my own nude
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
