Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
