What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
