like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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