Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
