It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
