I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
