so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
No subtext here. People are naked.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
