boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just had sex on a roof
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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