This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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