He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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