if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
