So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
