cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
