You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
