Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
