i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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