so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
